an assistant

Yesterday morning i happened to find good info. about an assistant for a famous photographer.
Then i mailed him to ask details and finally made an appointment to meet him to listen to him about the work and show my portfolios in his office.
However, the more i thought about the application seriously, the more i felt very anxious.
Because the reward for an assistant is only 50 thousand yen per month according to the photographer.
From the beginning the photographer said there was big difficulty for person make living by oneself, so the condition to be the assistant was he/she was living with family.
I knew it was strict, i knew, but i also knew it was rare chance to get the position.
So i made an appointment to see him in Friday night last night.
But i lost my confident this morning, then i mailed him again to ask cancellation.
I don't have any confident now only because of money problem.
Making living by myself as the assistant is not easy like the photographer said.
I hate myself without confident...now. So i've no idea what to do from this spring.
Anyway i want to change something.
It might be good for me to work normally as a translator or a secretary or something regarding English in foreign- affiliated company and take photos and make much portfolios in free time. I need much more....


OH
MY
GOD

After finish writing above, I got a return mail from the photographer.
He said,

“Yes, making living is very important.
You'll be able to continue your photography without being a professional commercial photographer.
You can be said a photographer only if you are connected the society through your photography.
In fact, there are many photographers who work in different field with photography.
So please you just keep your photography and keep printing.”

HOW NICE HE IS...!
I was really touched and moved to tears.

ok
Now ill find my way.

I really appreciate his words.
I'll keep in mind and never forget, never....